There’s a lot of conversation out there about how to deal with negative thoughts, and it tends to fall into two very different camps.
One perspective, often rooted in mindfulness and cognitive approaches, suggests that a thought is not inherently real. It’s a mental event, a projection shaped by fear, memory, and conditioning. From this view, the goal is to observe the thought, not believe it, and allow it to pass without attaching meaning to it. If you’ve ever tried to ‘just ignore’ a thought and found it comes back stronger, you’re not doing it wrong, you’re missing a step.
The other perspective, influenced heavily by the work of Carl Jung, takes almost the opposite stance. It suggests that these thoughts are not random at all, but expressions of the shadow, the parts of ourselves we have not fully acknowledged or integrated. From this view, a negative thought is something to engage with, to understand, and ultimately to integrate, rather than dismiss.
At first glance, these approaches can feel contradictory. One says, “Don’t believe the thought,” while the other says, “Pay attention, there’s something valuable to learn from it.”
But in practice, the research and theory point to a third option: you don’t have to choose between rejecting or embracing a thought. You can learn to relate to each thought skillfully. And the reason this matters is simple: Our thoughts shape our internal state, and our internal state shapes our perception, behavior, and interactions, which in turn influence outcomes. So, the way we relate to a thought doesn’t just change how we feel, it changes how reality unfolds through us.
Here’s what that actually looks like in practice:
If your nervous system is activated, none of this works well. Slow your breathing, ground your body, or step away for a moment. You don’t do cognitive work in a dysregulated state, you stabilize first.
Step 1. Notice the thought
“Ah… there’s a negative thought.”
This is what in mindfulness research is called meta-awareness, the ability to observe your own thinking. Recognizing that you are aware of your thoughts is more significant than it sounds.
Supported by Jon Kabat-Zinn and foundational in Mindfulness-Based Stress Reduction.
This step alone begins to reduce reactivity.
Step 2. Create distance from it
Instead of “this is true,” you shift to, “this is a thought.” Look at it. Watch it.
In psychology, this is called cognitive defusion, a core concept in Acceptance and Commitment Therapy developed by Steven C. Hayes.
This creates space between you and the thought, stabilizing your internal state before it spills into behavior. What I mean by space is simple: you begin to notice that there is you, the observer, and then there is the thought. They are not the same thing. You are not the thought, you are the one aware of it.
Only after that separation is established should you move into understanding. Otherwise, you’re not investigating the thought, you’re being pulled into it. Most people try to change their thoughts while still identified with them. That’s why it doesn’t work.
Step 3. Investigate it
Now you ask, “Why did this thought show up?”
This is where Carl Jung enters the conversation.
You’re looking for what part of you is speaking: fear, conditioning, insecurity, or an unmet need.
At this stage, you’re not deciding if it’s true. You’re understanding its origin so it doesn’t unconsciously run the show.
Step 4. Evaluate its accuracy
Now we bring in cognitive science.
Ask, “Is this evidence-based, or is it a distortion?”
This comes from Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, associated with Aaron T. Beck and David D. Burns.
Common distortions include catastrophizing, mind-reading, and all-or-nothing thinking. For example, ‘I messed that up, so I always mess things up’ is not evidence, it’s all-or-nothing thinking.
If it’s distorted, you release it.
If it’s grounded, you respond to it.
Step 5. Choose your response
This is where everything becomes consequential.
You don’t just analyze, you act consciously.
If it’s fear-based noise, you let it go.
If it’s useful data, you adjust behavior.
And this is the pivot point:
Your internal state shifts, and that shift directly influences how you show up, how you interact, and what outcomes become possible. A thought is neither truth nor illusion at the outset, but a psychological event that requires discernment. The skill is not in suppressing it or believing it, but in examining it closely enough to determine whether it reflects distortion or useful information, and then responding accordingly. As you do this, your internal state shifts, and with it, how you perceive, engage with, and live your reality.
Step 6. Repeat, and your brain rewires
Over time, this process becomes faster and more automatic. This is neuroplasticity, supported by the work of Donald Hebb. Repeated patterns strengthen new neural pathways, while old reactive loops weaken.
The synthesis in one clean idea
A negative thought is not automatically true, and not automatically meaningless.
It is something to be noticed, understood, evaluated, and then either released or acted upon.
One could argue that a thought is neither truth nor illusion at the outset, but a psychological event requiring discernment. The skill is not in suppressing it or believing it, but in examining it closely enough to determine whether it reflects distortion or information, and then responding accordingly. In doing so, you shift your internal state, and with it, the way you perceive, engage with, and live your reality.
James W. Thompson, Jr., Ph.D.